Breaking the Addiction to Achievement: Redefining Leadership, Fulfillment, and Power with Ryann Dowdy

In this episode of Lead Between the Lines, I sit down with Ryann Dowdy, a high-performance coach and master sales consultant who’s redefining leadership and fulfillment for ambitious women. With decades of experience building multimillion-dollar sales teams, Ryann shares her journey from corporate success to creating a life aligned with purpose and happiness.

We discuss:

• Breaking free from the addiction to achievement.
• Why high-achieving women often feel unfulfilled, even at the top.
• The mindset and energetics of intentional reality creation.
• The power of self-leadership and owning your identity.
• How to raise your bottom-bar standards to elevate every area of your life.

This episode is an inspiring call to action for women ready to lead differently, step into their power, and rewrite the rules of success.

00:00 Introduction to Ryan Dowdy

02:00 Ryan's Corporate Journey

03:03 The Shift to Entrepreneurship

04:44 Struggles with External Validation

12:57 Intentional Reality Creation

23:41 Challenges in Entrepreneurship

32:25 The Importance of Studying and Relistening

33:18 Professional vs. Personal Development

34:12 Embodiment and Practical Application

37:20 Consistency Across All Areas of Life

38:24 Balancing Leadership at Home and Work

39:28 Teaching Responsibility to Children

47:49 Self-Leadership and Empowerment

49:12 The Rubik's Cube Brain

55:19 The Seven Day Experiment

58:06 Final Thoughts and Collaboration

Links Mentioned:

• Follow Ryann on TikTok & Instagram: @RyannDowdyOfficial
• Join the 7-Day Experiment: SoulCharge.com/experiment

Ready to elevate your personal power and step into your most authentic self? Download the Reinvention Roadmap now and start your journey toward unmatched clarity, self-mastery, and bold transformation. This powerful guide will help you redefine your path and create a vision for your future that aligns with your deepest values and aspirations. Get instant access and begin crafting the life you’re meant to lead.

Ready to find out what has really been calling the shots in your career and possibly life? Take the ShadowOS Archetype Quiz today.


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Transcript

1:08

Welcome to another transformative episode of lead between the lines. Today. I am thrilled to introduce a powerhouse guest, Ryan Dowdy. Ryan is a high performance coach master consultant and sales expert who has transformed decades of corporate experience into groundbreaking methodologies that help leaders achieve radical alignment and ownership. As chief activator at soul charge, she's redefining what it means to create intentional results while embracing fulfillment. And self-leadership. And this episode, Ryan and I dive deep into high achieving women's struggles with external validation, breaking free from societal expectations and embodying true power. And self-worth. From overcoming the addiction to achievement, to discovering the mindset and energetics of success. This conversation is packed with game changing insights. Get ready for a raw empowering dialogue on identity leadership and reclaiming your power to intentionally create the life you deserve. Let's dive in. Welcome Ryan. Hi, I'm so excited to be here. Yes. So, um, our paths have crossed. Like, it seems like we are the same message, different messenger. Like interweaving for the last several years that we've been connected. So I'm so excited for us to chat live. I'm excited about the conversation. Yes. Awesome. So, um, I guess let's start off and let you tell a little bit about your background and your story. Cause I know you came from the corporate world, like I did, and probably a lot of my listeners. And I bet they'd be excited to know how you ended up here. Yeah, I have your corporate career. I started selling radio advertising in Orlando, Florida, 21 years old and, uh, leading media most of my career. So I sold any kind of marketing product, advertising all the things for 15 years, got into sales enablement, leading and training sales org, building sales organizations, really fell into this sort of land, loving that and have this beautiful career. Was the director of sales for digital marketing agency here in Kansas city and woke up one day and was like, how'd I get here? That's it is, this might be it, right? Like, you know, this, I think at the time it was 34, 35 years old. And I was just like, I guess this has, there has to be more to it than this. Right. Like I have all the things I thought I wanted and it doesn't feel the way I thought it would. And so that really started a quest for what I thought of the And it was. A different career. Um, stumbled into entrepreneurship and learned that like people would pay you for the skills that, um, you know, corporations would pay you a salary for. So, uh, just fell into entrepreneurship, started, uh, left corporate America in 2019, so just over five years ago, on the heels of maternity leave of my youngest. That's how, like, how long I've been doing this is how old is Georgia? So it's five years that they were just really kindergarten. Um, so that's, that's been my journey. I started as a sales coach, built a sales training organization, built a women's leadership organization in Mount Lois that I just kept recreating the same crap that I created in my corporate career where I would achieve or hit a goal, Or do something that other people said was like hard to do and then still feel meh, you know, or still felt like things were falling apart around me. And so wound up on this really beautiful spiritual journey of why do I keep creating external profess and feeling internally empty and unfulfilled and just unemployed? Missing children? Is that the word? Um, so one of those beautiful spiritual journey pulled apart everything in life. It was one of those total butterfly moments, right? Like moments where like we had to rebuild time and I'm finally brave enough to like take the sales and marketing out from underneath me and really lead to the mindset and energetics of success, achievements, and ultimately fulfillment and happiness for women leaders. It's beautiful. You said so many things there. It was a lot of words. No, just like all the points that I felt the exact same way. The whole chasing external achievement. And I think you've even, um, been pretty open about, saying that you were addicted to achievement. Absolutely. And, um, for me, like what I realized after I left, of course, um, was that my corporate career was built It was ego based, and I never had to develop prowess there. And that environment feeds our shadow, right? Or ego, um, operating systems and the addiction. You, you said something too about not of achieving something and going, yeah. Right. It's like all, we kind of get addicted to the claps in the beginning. And then we recognize that we're operating at 30 percent of our potential. And while other people think we're achieving great things, we know we're not. Right. So, yeah. Do you want to dig into that at all? Yeah. I mean, I think it's just a matter of, for me, I literally, sometimes it's almost embarrassing to admit, like. I questioned everything. I did what I was supposed to do. You go to college, you get a job, you work hard, you put your head down, you work harder, I got a master's degree, like, I mean, if you look, the first 35 years of my life, or even if you just look at like 18, I graduated high school, went to college, to basically 35 years old. I checked every box. They, and I'm using their quotes in my they, said that I was looking for this thing of happiness, and it just didn't even occur to me that I wasn't happy, until, that I wasn't, right, that I wasn't playing it 100 percent until just one day, like, there wasn't a moment, there wasn't anything, that's a lie, it was on the heels of my, my first My son was seven and a half, so I'd gone back to work, but I had like a brain job. Like I was ready to go back to work. It wasn't like, Oh, my baby's like, my baby's heart. I was going to be a stable mom, but it wasn't, it went back to work and was really sad about being at work. It was just, I'd never taken a 12 week break from work before. Right. So it was almost like I left it for 12 weeks and then I came back and I didn't want to go back. Dream job, former office, all these things. And it's just like, it really isn't, you know, it's really not. And I thought that it was, but I think it was that space. And this is actually literally coming out of my mouth. It was like not working for 12 weeks. It gave me the space to be like, this isn't, again, this isn't interesting. This isn't engaging. I'm not really good at it. Because it felt challenging prematurely, right? But it was not challenging. It was not like that. I was not putting my foot down. I was just following that roadmap. That they, who the hell they are. And I think it was that space that humanists used to be like, is this, is this it? Am I in the right place? So like I said, I don't have the big life events or something dramatic. And I think it was just having that now. And you know, once you don't focus on something for a little while, it changes. And that's what happened. Yeah. It's so interesting for me. It was, When I hit the pinnacle of my career, I was literally making multi six figures, the titles, the stock options, the phone. I had everything that I thought that I wanted. And I was like, you, I sat there one day and. I think there was bullshit going on in the office. And I thought, you know, what I'm done. I have achieved everything I came to do. And now I'm going to go do something I actually want to do. It was not that nice. From that moment. So my son was born in 2017. It was 2019. It wasn't a two year journey. Again, looking at it. Is it a different industry? Is it just, You know, again, to be more challenged, learn something new because I'd been in sales, in a bit of marketing advertising for 15 years at that point. And I was like, I don't know, maybe I'll sell pharmaceuticals or go sell something else is really what I thought, you know, like sales is my jam. Everybody in the sales organization, my skills are comparable. So I thought I was going out with the industry. I don't think I even realized I was going out with the whole structure until, you know, I mean, like I said, I've covered entrepreneurship and consulting and. The idea that I can work with multiple different organizations with my skill set, but like, oh, maybe this is how I won't get bored, right? Like, again, I just try to not be bored. Yeah, it's so interesting. I think so many women are, they don't know. Like, it's that feeling of Lack of fulfillment or like you said myth. I'm like, yeah, like it was also known as to achievement at that point. And I think most women don't even recognize that that is like that crossroads of external versus internal motivation they're seeking. Well, because At least for me, I thought that the things, the recognition, the money, would make me feel a certain way. So, to me, it just didn't even occur to me that there was like, I didn't have the words, the language, the tools, to know what was going on. You know, inner versus internal versus like, I didn't even like, I literally thought once I had enough, I wouldn't be happy. And so it was like, okay, we'll just, you know, just chasing dopamine. Right. Like that's really what I was doing. I didn't even know what was happening. Yeah. Do you think, let me ask you, do you think that women even know they have choice? No, no, I talk about this a lot, Lois, like the definition of a good woman is a woman who serves everybody, right? Like, well, today, I mean, it's 2024, I understand that we are making huge strides, and that's amazing, but we still see the value of a woman in how she serves her husband, how she serves her children, how she serves her employer, how she serves her business, how she serves her clients, how she serves the PTA, the neighborhood, whatever. And. Everybody else wants her time and attention, like that is the value of a good woman. So no, I don't think women think that they can find loveliness and significance in any woman serving other people until somebody tells them, or they're just smart enough, like you and I are doing this bullshit, I'm not doing this. And I think that's a very small population. I just happen to know a lot of them, but I actually don't think there's a big number. It's a pretty small population, a pretty small block. I know. We do. We do tend to flock. Yeah, sometimes I forget because I am so surrounded in groups. Like, my significant other teases me that, like, we live in a bubble of, like, really self aware people who are constantly making themselves better. Sometimes I leave that bubble and I'm like, Oh, I got a random guy over here. But yeah, I don't think a lot of women realize that there are any indoor choices. In value, in significance, in career, in ways to live, in ways to be. So how do we change that? Like, I know you're doing a lot of stuff. I'm doing a lot of stuff, but I think it's conversations. It is, you know, I think it's continuing to have the conversation as often as we can on as many platforms as we can. Find, um, and fire as we possibly can, um, and even inspire men who inspired their women. Like, I don't think, yes, we're talking about women, but I don't know that this is specific to women. I think we need men or do I think change happens, you know, like any change happens one human at a time, right? One at a time, one conversation at a time, one, you know, moment of encouragement. One takes us to a friend, one, you know, whatever. I think it's Me, I think that's part of my work here is awakening to their power. So you, you mentioned intentional reality creation, and I saw that in some of your posts too, and I started laughing because, I have a, um, journal that I created and part of it is. Like your intentional reality creation. Oh, fun. And, um, I think that ties into like what we were just talking about with regard to our corporate climb. Like none of that was intentional reality creation. It was like happenstance almost, but we had skill and talent that moved us around. We never sat down and said, this is how I want to direct my career. Sure. And I feel like that's something. That is, um, more prevalent in the entrepreneurial world. Do you see that too, or how are you experiencing it? Yeah. I mean, nobody told me I had choices in the corporate world. You know what I'm saying? Like it was just, this is how you climb the ladder in this company. There wasn't 12 different ways to get there. There was one way to get there and it was very linear. And so it wasn't, yeah, until I became an entrepreneur and even getting into just mindset work. And I think, you know, the work you and I do is deeper than just mindset work. But even that wasn't something that was discussed. It was like having a good attitude and being a good teammate. But nobody really talked about how your thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions, emotions are actually creating your reality. Like I did not learn any of those things until I left the corporate world. At all. Yeah, and I don't think like we definitely never heard anything about creating a future self and then acting from that place. It was always an iteration of who you were to get to that place. But even before the camera. Turned onto, the recording started, we were talking about like the 80 20 rule and how yeah, if you want to quantum leap or 10 x, you have to be willing to let go of that 80%. Yeah. And you did that with a product that you offered that you absolutely loved. And I did. Yeah. What, how do you, um, so when you are helping women with their. Their identity creations. How do you like navigate that and get her to see that she, she has to do that because it's not easy. So, no, and the way that we approach identity is a little differently than I've heard it taught, right? Like I've heard of self concept and all those different things, which are great, but it was always about. You have to be the woman who has the business, makes the money and drives the car and lives in the house. And what we really help our clients do in the way that we talk about it is to not just be the woman. Doing the things or getting the things, but really start seeing yourself as creator, right? Like stop seeing creation as this linear thing. I have to, you know, step one, step two, step three, step four. And like you said, the ability to kind of quantum leap or whatever word you want to use to this identity of creator, because the truth of the matter is you're always going to want more. Right. Like if you put the, I want to be the woman who drives this kind of car. Once you drive that car, you're going to want another car. You know, I think I've small children. I think of like, if you give them out, if you give them out a cookie, you know, they're going to want some milk. It's that same thing. So why instead of torturing ourselves in this like constant identity crisis of just start seeing yourself. As the powerful creator that you are. And so we really talk a lot about that in the work we do is how do you see yourself and starting to see yourself from that place? And if you really are wearing the identity of creator, are you having those conversations, you know, tolerating that bullshit, limiting? Yourself, buying your own excuses, whatever it is, right? There's so many things that we come across with our clients that like, if you were really believed you were the creator, would this be happening? Would you be doing this? Would you be allowing this to happen? And the answer is always no. Right. But sometimes that's the mirror we have to hold up to get them there because again, there's a lot of people. Saying what we're saying and talking about what we're saying. And I mean, I very intentionally use the words, intentional reality creation, instead of manifestation, because manifestation feels woo and bullshit, and it's kind of an overplayed in a lot of ways. Um, because to me, it's not manifestation is the creation of a thing, right? Like here's my headphones. Like it's the manifestation of I'd like some new AirPods, right? Like that, the manifestation to me, intentional reality creation is about so much more than, you know, like. The things it's who you're being, it's how you feel, it's how you experience life. It's your interstate. And that's really the work we do on the identity level with our clients is instead of just focusing on who drives that car, makes that amount of money, lives in that house. Who are you when you really see yourself? As the powerful creator you are. It's interesting to approach it from that side, because I think, um, number one, we think about creativity as artistic. We don't really see that we are creators, but the other thing is we, in order to tap into that version, we have to have space in our mind. And I know you've talked about the Rubik's cube in your mind, which you can elaborate on, but for me, it's. her to the point where I call it an expectations paradigm that we all operate under of things should or shouldn't happen a certain way. And when they do, everything is great. But when they don't, then we start looking for someone, something, or, uh, ourselves to blame. And until she can stop operating from should, It's really hard to see herself as a creator. Yeah, I, I, I love that. And I do think like we talked a lot about the rules, you know, what rule is that? Um, one of the things we cover with our clients is we call them the eight addictions, uh, achievement being one of them, right. Validation tolerating other people's bullshit, right. Like stories. Those are all addictions that we have, right. And an addiction is just. A habit that is compulsive. Right? Like I think, and we use the word addiction purposely because it gets people's attention. Right. You're like, you just have a habit. They're like, Oh, habits, those pesky habits versus an addiction, which is something that is happening unconsciously. Like you, you're not sure how you got here. You know, but I'm here. So, um, but that's a lot of what we talk about. And so it's probably, it's similar. Like you said, we say a lot of the same things in different words. So we don't talk so much about the shoulds, but it's like, what addiction is action active in this scenario? You know? And that's kind of how we get them to see like, Oh, this is a story. Oh, I'm tolerating, Ooh, I'm looking for external validation. You know, Ooh, I'm in victim consciousness. Right. But we, that's kind of how we help them see. where they're off track in a situation. Yeah, interesting. Um, I teach in a Like we all know about top bar, right? We're always being said, you know, we can, the glass ceiling or whatever our goal is, but I teach raise your bottom bar, which I believe is the standards by which you operate and to what you just said, what are you willing to tolerate, not just from anyone else, but from yourself. Because if you can't tolerate it from yourself, you'll never tolerate it from someone else. So how, you know, just making sure that the congruency between your words and your actions match and how you have to keep raising that bottom bar long before you ever have to worry about. Yeah. I dig that for sure. I can see where, yeah, lowering that standard or raising that standard Naturally. You start to let go of, again, self sabotage, relationships that aren't serving you, all of those things that come up in our work with our clients, or again, tolerating work that's below your standards, or a teammate who isn't holding their weight, or any of those other things. Yeah. It's interesting, though, trying to get someone to understand that the reason that they tolerate it from, you know, someone else is because they tolerate it from themselves. And that's a mirror, right? Of everything. All of our inner expression is what we're seeing externally. So, yeah, that's always one that I get. A lot of people will tell me, like, I started this work and then the universe started testing me and I'm like, Oh no, friends, it's not testing you, right? It's, it's reflecting you to use another important example, right? He always says that it's not testing you. It's reflecting you. And that was so powerful for me because I was like, no, it's not a test. The universe isn't some outside weird thing that's dangling carrots for you. Like it's always you versus you. And some people get real uncomfortable with that. And, but for me, I'm like the reason why you're seeing it right now. And it feels like a test is because once you start to be aware of things, like you see it in one area and then you'll see it everywhere. And that's why it feels like you're being tested. But it's always been there because it's always been inside of you. Well, same with triggers, right? People bother us, trigger us as a reflection so that we know, like, I feel like the universe is telling me, Hey, you haven't dealt with this thing yet. Let me show it to you again and let me keep showing it to you until you actually pay attention. Yeah, that's where we talk a lot about the universe will teach you a lesson until you learn it. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I think about that a lot too with regard to the whole testing I feel like you're not testing me It's giving me an opportunity To choose that future person that I want to be or to stay as the current me and always an opportunity because I have choice so I can decide, okay, who am I really? Yes. Yeah. So good. Um, what is the thing right now that is pissing you off the most about the things that we're being told online or that women are being or or even new entrepreneurs? Because I feel like I came into this world. An expectation based on what I was seeing only to find out that it wasn't really. And one of the things that I think really pisses me off is that the rules are really what pissed me off. Like when you come into entrepreneur land and it's like, you should do it this way and you should this way, or this is the best way. And this is the fast way. And this is the easiest way. And that just pisses me off because it's impossible to say that your way is the best way. If somebody is not aligned with that, and I mean, I own this, like I came into the online space as a sales coach. I had very strong thoughts, feelings and opinions about sales and what it should look like and how it should look like. And now I realize I not 100 percent of my clients got results, right? Because not 100 percent of them were aligned with what I was teaching. They wanted to be aligned with what I was teaching. They wanted the promise I was delivering, but they weren't aligned with the methodology. But again, we live in this world that's like, well, it doesn't matter suffering is normal. Struggling is normal. It doesn't matter that you hate that. Just do it to get to the end result. And to me, I think that's the part that pisses me off the most is we just tell people, just do it this way and you will get a result without any thought to. Is this aligned? Does this meet your needs? Does this meet your values? Is this something that you can sustainably do? And does this fit into the life that you have for yourself? And so to just follow this blueprint and get the success and put it again, it's like corporate all over again, put your head down, do the work. Don't ask questions. Do not pass code. Do not collect 200. Like we're doing that to entrepreneurs. We're just recreating the same shit we all left corporate for an entrepreneur land. Yeah. Recreating and then. Or throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I think for me, like when I came, it was like, okay, everything you did, you did that whole climb, you know, 30 years, you did it wrong. You weren't aligned. You were in ego. You were, it was a very shadowy climb. Yeah. Right. And so when you come here, you have to be like very feminine, very, you know, Like, no, we don't have strategy. We just do we, if, if it feels good, do it. Like, and I've kind of like, finally, I mean, it took me a little while to realize what I was doing. I'm like, wait a minute. I have so much knowledge from corporate that works here that if people actually had a work ethic and strategy and, you know, we're decisive and precise. And intention with their business, they would blow up. Yeah. So yeah, it's so interesting. I feel like there's so much duality here between. And I think for me, it was like, I wasn't awake to the duality. So I very much in the beginning of my journey lived in that just. Tell me what to do. Lois, don't ask me how I feel. Don't ask me what I care about. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. And then, yeah. I mean, I feel like the pendulum swings some ways where we're like, I'm going to do nothing. Um, and I see a lot of that. Um, but I see more the prescribed blueprint. This is the only way, the fastest way, the best way for everyone. And that's simply not true. Yeah. I see that a lot with career entrepreneurs who have only done it one way. Sure. And I think like the, the perspective that the corporate woman brings is she's probably worked in multiple companies, seen multiple ways of sharing things and, you know, can lend like, my goal is to blend these two together where we get the best from both. Cause I think both sides have something to teach each other. Totally agree. Yes. I mean, the ability and entrepreneur and to be quick and nimble and fail fast and execute quickly and all of that. But then also the corporate idea of standing on a solid foundation of what you're building. Like that's what I think is missing in a lot of business education is the foundation. Yeah. You know, like people want to teach how to the strategies. I just put tactical strategies together. You got a new word. Play with that. Strategies and tactics, right? Without a foundation. That's what I think is, is happening. And that's what corporate brings is the foundation. Yeah. Is, um, and then What entrepreneurs do well is test all the different strategies and tactics quickly and assess what's working. But again, I also think one of the things that I didn't know until I kind of went on my own spiritual journey was that like contrast doesn't always mean it's not working. Sometimes it means we're just working through something, but most people see contrast and they say it's broken, it's not working. And then it's like, they're throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what stacks instead of this idea of. I've decided on this strategy and seeing contrast in the beginning is not abnormal. It doesn't mean anything has gone wrong. It's just part of working through the limiting beliefs and the stories and all the other things that come up when you're executing on that strategy. But most people see contrast and they see it as failure. And then they take their toys and go home. And then they tell you they wasted bajillions of dollars on a business coach on the internet. Interesting. Um, I just had such a good question. I lost it. It'll come back. Yeah, let's, I want to go back to something you said at the very beginning about, um, by anyone else's standards. You looked successful, right? Sure. That is my pissed off phrase right now because why would I want to be compared to that mediocrity of anyone else's standards and I have recently felt the, um, um, not resentment, not tension, I guess, of stepping into that higher standard being the standard. And that, um, actually, you know, butts up against a lot of people's triggers and they don't like it. Yeah. I think that for me, it was, Again, I didn't realize I could set my own standards. That's why it was against anybody else's standards. Cause I wasn't aware that I could set my own. I didn't know either. Nobody told me that, you know, the standard was the one that was set inside of the organization I was working for or the they, that I talked about, right? Like that list of accomplishments, that things that we should want as a successful person or have a successful person, but I never took any time. To think about what my own standards or my own values were, what I stood for, what excellence looked like to me at all until I became an entrepreneur. Yeah. And you, you talk about personal development and I, my personal development journey did start early, early on. I want to say in 1983, maybe probably before you were born, um, with Zig Ziglar was, um, I had just moved to Texas from New England and then I get here and my boss gives me a Zig Ziglar tape and all I could think of was, who is this man with this accent and what is he trying to tell me? And I like, I fell in love with it immediately, but I also realized that. I was using it more as entertainment than actionable. Like I didn't understand that you have to do more than just read the personal development books, you know, especially early on. And I think a lot of people don't understand the implementation or the embodiment of what they're taking in and how that's actually what they're doing. Um, and I think that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's a big part of what needs to happen, especially in the be, do have world. Right. Right. But I mean, I think we do that with skills too. I don't think that's just personal development. I think we, I remember like voraciously reading business books and sales books in my sales career and never actually implementing any of the things I would post on social media and tell you how many books I read this year. But if anybody asks me, like, how much of that did you implement? And so it's actually Bob Proctor who talks a lot about studying. And I just recently, and again, I can't believe I'm going to record admit this on a recorded line, but like, I just really started doing that in the last few months where I am not taking in any new content. I am listening to the content that I've listened to. And I'm actually relisting right now to conversations with God by nails on the wash, which this will be the third time I have listened to it. And the reason why we should keep relistening to things, cause I'm like, This is a completely different book than it was two years ago, because I am a completely different person. Um, so I mean, I did a lot of professional development, like it was all about bettering myself as a professional. So I read a lot of books. I went to conferences, but it was never the personal development side of it. Who are you being? It was, how do I get better at my job? So I was always growing and learning, but it was never about me. It was always about the job, which is easy to do when you're in sales, because there's a lot of sales training available. Yeah. And we talked about this before we recorded also of the, um, it's, it's indicative of a high achieving woman, right? Because we know how to achieve milestones and goals and hit, you know, all of the, all of the, the marks. And I read books that way as well. It was like, Oh, okay, check. I read it. Therefore I must know it. And you know, our, our friend Jim Fortin always talks about, there's a difference between knowing and knowing, and it's that embodiment that I think that we're, we're all beginning to like, realize, I think you try and then you realize, wait a minute. Right. Well, and I think it's a lot of, it doesn't teach you how to em embodiment. I mean, that's exactly what you and I, again, before we hit record, where there's a lot of information about the concepts and the ideas, and there's a lot of theory, and then we get to practical application and there's not a lot, right? How do what, what does embodiment mean? Lois, right? Like how do I embody that person? What does that look like day to day, moment by moment? So, yeah, I mean, I tell people all the time on social media that I could have taught a master class on universal law before I ever actually used universal law to intentionally create anything because I had consumed so much information that it wasn't actually applying it to my life. So like intellectually, I knew it. And I think we get stuck there as women when we're like, got it. I, like you said, we checked the box because I know that topic inside and out. And that's just a very different experience than actually. Implementing or embodying the work. Yeah, it's, it's very interesting. I met a coach, I guess, last year I started working with her and she was actually the first person that ever said to me, which I needed to hear. She's like your content and how you actually operate don't match, which is why you're having that, um, friction of people lean in and lean out and lean in. And it took me like some work with her to like, really understand, Oh, that is the bottom bar now that I talk about is like, This is how I operate at my worst, not just at my best, right? Cause it's easy for us to hold a standard when we're in, you know, motivated and in a good mood. But what if I'm tired or sick or, you know, the kids just drove me crazy or something. Sure. Now, how do I hold that standard? And I think that even I'm sure the work you do is the same of when you set that standard, it ends up permeating into all areas of your life. So we knew how to drive our careers, but maybe our relationships weren't so great or our health wasn't so great, or, you know, spirituality wasn't, um, On point this, like I'm talking about a standard that you have for yourself, period, no matter the environment. And yeah, I mean, it's a lot when you think about it, but it makes, like, it clears that space that we were talking about earlier in my head. There's no more arguing. So I have so much more room to be creative. I, I love that because that's a conversation we've been having a lot lately with our clients is you can't just be her, her being the future version of you at work, you know, or you can't just be that person in your relationships and then go to work and be somebody else. And I think, again, that's a big lie. We were sold in corporate America. And again, for many of us, it was putting us in very, our masculine energy so that we can fit in. With the environment and the culture and stand out and have our voices heard. But then we want to go home and we want to be in our feminine energy and then that creates chaos. And so, yeah, it's the ability to be all of you in every area of your life. With your kids, with your partner, at work, with your clients, with your friends, with your volunteer and extracurricular commitments, like being that same version of you. And That was hard for me because work me was not actually me work. Me was just the woman who got shit done at work and it wreaked all sorts of havoc in my life. Yeah. Yeah. So my husband, um, owns a company, right? So he leads people too. And then I was in a very powerful leadership position and we would get home and both of us were still trying to lead the other one. Yeah. And that we had lots of blowups and it's like, wait a minute, I don't work for you. You don't work for me. We need to figure out how do we coexist with not both having that big masculine, you know, influence and control and all of it and bringing it home. Yeah. And then how to, how to model it for your children. Yeah. Right. How do we range raise smart, focused, ambitious kids without having them obsessed with achievement? Yeah. my, my, it's too late for mine. Like I messed them all up before I knew any of this. So I tell'em, instead of your inheritance, I'll just pay for therapy See, mine are five and seven. You have, you have a chance you're in it. I do, I do. And it's. It's, it's very mind bending for them because one of the, one that's the easiest thing is, you know, when the kid's like, you're making me mad, mommy, right. Or he's doing this to me, mommy. And in my house, they were not allowed to do that. We don't start sentences with she or he or they, or you, it's always, right. So it's like, she hit me. Okay. Start from I, I got hit and this is what happened and it pisses them off, but it, it's, it's It helps like ownership, right? Like you need to own this. Like you need to own your feelings. Like you're making me mad, mommy. No, you're mad. And you don't like my behavior or whatever consequence or whatever I'm asking you to do, but you're making a choice to be mad. And it's bit me in the ass a few times when you get a, you can't tell me how to feel mommy. You are correct. I cannot. If you can get that look off your face, that would be great. Yes. That's so true. That's so true. We, we can't even do that with our spouses. So, let alone. Is it like trying to do it with children? I'm almost glad I didn't know any of this when I was raising them. See, we do it very intentionally in my house. So I went through a divorce and in a relationship, it's a new relationship that I have a lot more tools now. And so that was actually one of my commitments to myself going into this relationship was I was going to ask for my needs to be met and to be responsible for my emotions. And so, I mean, we're very mindful. Of that in conversation. I mean, we're not perfect, but we both hold each other really accountable for, you know, this makes me feel no, no, no, no. I feel, and here's why and here's how and all of that. So it's actually been really beautiful. But again, it was starting a new relationship with that standard, like you said. Mm-Hmm, the, the bottom bar was raised to a point. So, um, but it's been really interesting and fun to just ask. For what you want always. And that is certainly not something I was doing in my career, in my relationships earlier in my life. Right. It was, you take what you can get, or you, you don't want to be a nag, or you don't want to seem ungrateful or, you know, all the different stories we tell ourselves, or it's like, I don't want to bring this up. Cause I don't want him to think this way about me. And I'm just like, This is what's on my mind. And it's just been such a beautiful growth for both of us. Um, by being really accountable to that. So it's been really fun. Yeah. It is such a point of power for women when they can take responsibility for their own emotions, actions, results, and how it's so interesting. Cause I, I mean, We're never perfect. Because victim mode is default, I think, in humans and like seeing like little places where it's like, Oh, right there. I was, I was feeling wronged and you know, you did this to me or this is unjust. And see for me, I've always been my own worst enemy. It's never really been like, as I've gone through my journey, it's never been the outside forces against me. It's always been me making myself wrong, making up a story. I don't belong in that room. Those people don't respect me. That person doesn't want to hear from me. That person, you know, yeah, it's always, I've always been my own worst enemy. Well, I think that the biggest obstacle we ever face is ourselves. Of course. That's true. Then we talk a lot about that with our clients. Like the battle is always you versus you. And if you would just stop fighting so damn hard, it would go away. Right. But putting down the sword is hard when you've been carrying it your whole life. Yeah. Well, it's interesting, right? Because We, we definitely know how to fight against something, but we don't know how to fight for something, which I think that in this whole future you identity thing is, is something that's kind of hard to grasp in the beginning because we're like, we have that resistance and we'll keep pushing against it. But to your point, if we would just stop pushing, like it just opens and you can. Go, you still have a lot of work to do, but sure. It's. They're all the turbulence in, in your head stops. It's, it's such an interesting place to be where, yeah, you're like, I'm just not going to fight that. And I think that I want to be clear in that. And I'm sure your audience knows this because they're listening to you, but that doesn't mean that we don't do the work. It doesn't mean that we ignore things. It doesn't mean that we don't address. Things in our lives, it simply means that we stop making ourselves wrong or we stop making somebody else wrong or we stop making this situation wrong. Because to me, that's half the battle, right? Is this shouldn't be happening or I don't like what is happening or I don't want other people to find out what is happening. And for so many of us, that is what we're resisting. Um, and so again, putting that down doesn't mean we do nothing. It just means. We don't have all the attachment to it. We don't make it mean something and whip up a whole story about this and that and whatever, you know, it's an interesting journey. Yeah. I, that's exactly what I teach. Oh, the steps don't change, right? Like the steps are the steps, right? The strategy is the strategy. It's how you approach it. That makes it either easy or difficult, right? You can make it a struggle if you want, but you don't have to, right? Yeah. It's a fun habit to break. Well, we've had so much influence in the opposite direction, like since birth, right? As girls, especially, um, what is your definition of power? Hmm. That's a really great question, but I'm not sure I have a clear answer to me. Power is in choice, you know, like my definition of power is knowing that at any moment you can make a different choice. You can think differently, act differently, show up differently, choose a different tone of voice, you know, turn left instead of right. And to me, like always knowing that you have that choice. And that you're the one with the choice in turn, the one with the power, that's power. It's like the Viktor Frankl quote, right? Like there's the moment between stimulus and response where you have a choice and that's where freedom lies. To me, that's the definition of power. Yeah. Very interesting. I love that. Mine is responsibility. I feel like power and responsibility are the same. And We tend to avoid responsibility because we're afraid of how powerful we are. Hmm. Okay. And so responsibility being personal responsibility or across the board responsibility to others, like, or all of the above. Yeah. All of it, I think, especially to yourself, but our personal responsibility, right? Like we talked about, I'm going to own my emotions and I'm going to, Like I had such a hard time with the phrase, you have to learn to have your own back and I was like, what the hell does that even mean? And I finally like reconciled it in my brain as. I have to understand that I have choice and I'm willing to be responsible for the consequences of any choice that I make and I'm not going to make myself wrong for having made that choice even though there could be consequences on the other end that I really don't like. Sure. Yeah. Beautiful. Interesting. What? How are you? Leading different. And how are you teaching your clients to lead differently? So to me, I mean, it comes down to self leadership. So in leading differently is first about leading yourself, I believe. Um, and then really leading from a place of again, ownership and empowerment. You know, I was taught in a sales background growing up in corporate America, that leadership was. Telling people what to do, right? It was, you know, task management, uh, just a whole bunch of yucky and gross things. That was my title leadership. Yeah, it was a title. It was, you know, all the different things. And, and now how I lead is very much from a place of how can I help you get what you want? So we all get where we want to go. And that's very much how I lead with my clients, with team members. With my children in my relationship, even in friendships, right? Like where do we want to go and how do we get there in the most productive, cohesive, aligned way that everybody wins. Because to me, that's the name of the game. Interesting. What haven't we talked about that you want to talk about? Hmm. I'm trying to think of something that I talk a lot about. Let's go back to the Rubik's Cube and the brain. Oh yeah. Because I think this will resonate with a lot of people. So when I found this work that Lois and I do, it was, I gave it a name cause that was helpful for me, was my constant thinking brain. I called it the Rubik's Cube and my brain. Okay. Right. Like I was constantly trying to solve a problem. I was constantly what's happening next. Where's my next meeting? What's going on? Got to do this. Got to do that. Like could never just be right. Like I was constantly solving for the puzzle. And sometimes I didn't even know what that damn puzzle was. And I think that is very common for women because we do tend to bear. The mental load of running our homes and running our businesses and running our lives and managing our kids and their schedules. Like my kids are still little. So I think it's very common to constantly be working the Rubik's cube. And to me, I think the most, I'm going to use the word profound. Cause that's, what's coming through that I learned on this journey is like, I don't have to do that. All I have to do. Is be right here, right? And again, not in a, I'm going to do nothing, but so much of what I was thinking was just useless. It worked. It was decisions I already made, things I already decided about, things that were already in my calendar. Like, why am I thinking about what's on my calendar on Friday at 3 p. m.? It's on the damn calendar. I don't need to think about it until Friday at 2. 30. And so it was those types of things that I was like, huh, somebody give me a perfect example. We're in the month of recording, uh, October when we're recording this. And October's been a busy month. I've got a lot of travel and a lot going on and I'm texting with a girlfriend who also travels a lot for work and she's talking to me about how overwhelmed she is about October and look at all my travel dates and I'm looking at her travel dates and I'm like, oh those may be my travel dates. And I'm like, well, I'm going to this and I'm going here and I'm doing this. And I'm like, I feel no overwhelm. And it's because, I mean, all I can do is today, there is no reason to worry about the talk that I'm giving. You know, I turned my deck in, I have my outline, that outline. The outline is turned in. I'm trying to combine all my words today. Um, my outline is turned in. I know what I'm talking on and I'm going to be prepared for my talk, but like stressing out about it three weeks in advance, it's just a waste of energy. You know, like worrying about all the moving parts and pieces with the kids. And I hope everybody, whatever. They're going to get there or maybe we miss rec soccer practice. Like it's not the end of the world. So that to me is what it means to put down the Rubik's cube. Like not don't prepare, not don't do the work, but stressing out about something that's three weeks in the future. When you've prepared and done your work, it's just an exercise of futility. It's solving a damn Rubik's cube in your brain and it's a waste of time. It's so funny. I have a post it note and it says, I don't have to think about it. I've already decided. I have to remind myself all the time that I don't have to think about decisions that I've already made. Like, why don't I write that one down? I think about this. Yes. Steal it. That's good. I am stealing that. Yeah. For my listeners, like the way Ryan is describing the Rubik's cube, that's how I talk about the shadow operating system. Cause I feel like this, we create a way of operating that protects us and also helps us win the moment. Our emotional needs aren't met as a child. So whatever age that is, when, you know, I mean, I grew up with parents who were incapable of helping me manage my emotions because they couldn't manage their own. And, you know, no shame to any of that. That, I mean, the era that all of us go through that, right. But I had to figure out how to survive. As a child. And so my, um, my shadow operating system, like I have a quiz that people can take and it's, I give them six different archetypes to start with, just because that helps you narrow it down and then you can like personalize it for yourself. But mine is always. I'm always listening for gaps or holes that give me the opportunity to come in and take control of the situation and manipulate it so that I look worthy, so that I don't get kicked out of the tribe. Right? Sure. And everything that I've ever done. Operated within that and it helped me win. Like that's how I climbed the corporate ladder. It was always like reputation management instead of just being reputable, like developing my prowess, it was all about perception and I feel like everyone has one, it's just how familiar you can get with it because then you can see like it shows up. The moment I'm not looking, there it is. I'm like, where did you come from? Right. Not doing this. Because it also, like while it helps us win, it limits. Our view of what's possible, the moment that we think, Oh, you know, it'd be really cool if I tried to achieve that. Right. I want a million dollar a month or whatever. Sure. And if at first it's like, yeah, great idea. But the minute you try to take action, it starts whispering. I don't know. You've never done that before. I don't know. Do you think you can? Are you sure those are the steps or is that the right coach? Do you need a different coach for that? Like, like all the things come into play to start shrinking it back till I go, you know, that's probably unreasonable. I should, let me just, you know, hit this mark instead. And then I hit it and back to where we were, right? All the claps. And then I'm like, I could have done so much more. Like, why did I do that? And then. So true. Yeah. So tell us about your seven day experiment. Yeah. So the seven day experiment is designed to help you get. A very specific result in just seven days. One of the things that we really stand firmly on inside of Soul Charge is our ability to make change quickly, uh, when we decide, which is why I love what you said, right? You don't have to think about it. I've already decided because it's the thinking that's holding all of us back. Like you just nailed it so beautifully. Um, and so the seven day experiment, and we use the word experiment intentionally because it allows us to play. Right. And experiment feels, let me just try it. Right. Cause when you say the word challenge, we're like, don't challenge me. Right. But it's like, Nope. I want you to experiment and play around with the idea that there's a new paradigm, a new story, a new set of rules that you can try on and create something really different. So it's a live experience. Um, currently, um, after the first of the year, we will probably automate it in some ways. We haven't clearly visualized that, but right now we are teaching it. Live and so it's like three live calls and then work between that but we teach people what we call our creation equation that really allows us to own that identity of creator and then step into You know, that whole paradigm of I'm the one creating the world is, is responding to me. Um, so it's a really, really cool exercise. And again, we do it very intentionally to shake up your stories and your rules and all of the things that we have. So it's really meant to just jar some stuff loose. And it's just been really cool. What people have created, um, clients, clarity, quitting jobs, changing offers, You know, that sort of stuff, uh, pitching themselves to speak at events, like just because of the work that we do in this experiment. So it's really fun. Yeah. That's awesome to bring the play into it. Gamification, right? Yeah. It doesn't. You know, like if we would just have a lot more fun and play around and view. Life is just one big giant experiment. We'd probably achieve more stuff and be way less stressed. The goal way less, right? Yes. Awesome. Awesome. So tell everybody where we can find you and everything we linked in the show notes too. Yeah. So I hang out primarily on Tik TOK these days. Um, so it's Ryan Dowdy official, um, at Tik TOK and Instagram. Um, And then you can go to soulcharge. com forward slash experiment. Um, if you'd like to go through the seven day experiment with us. Awesome. Appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming. Yeah. Thank you for the conversation. It's always so fun to hear all the different perspectives and the one that I want to really dig into. And I love that you lean into it and you're like, we do very similar work. You just look at it this way. And I look at it that way. And I think that is such a beautiful testament of the work and what's available when we collaborate. Like, I love the question you asked of how do we fix this? How do we, how do we make more women aware of their choices? It's when we stop seeing each other as competition and start seeing each other As just extensions of the mission, which is to awaken humanity to their opportunity to choose. So thank you for that. Oh, no, my pleasure. I, I totally believe that like steel sharpened steel or power meets power. Like there's so much available for us and, you know, we weren't always raised to, you know, work together in our sisterhood, but I've been talking to not in the corporate world. Yeah. I've been talking so much lately about, because I'm the, the last year of the baby boomer generation, right. Okay. And we're a dying breed or a dying era, and there's going to be So much stress put on our, um, health system on businesses. I forget. There's like 11 million businesses like for sale right now from baby boomers who are trying to retire and their kids don't want the companies, but I was thinking about it from a, How much wisdom from that era is going to be lost if we don't start speaking up. And then also looking like my current coach is, I think she's 30, you know, and there wouldn't have been too many years ago. I would have thought 30 year old isn't going to teach me anything. And now it's like, I just see every. Every generation has something to teach down and up and, you know, and the same with individuals. Like our message is the same. We're just different messengers and different people are attracted to us. It's not, it's not even competition. Right. So yeah. Beautiful. Awesome. Thank you. Is there any parting words that you would like to leave the audience with? I, the biggest thing is I will leave you with is something we talked about, which is like, The battle is always inside of you. You think that it's the economy, the marketplace, social media, the skills, the lack of experience, like the laundry list of reasons why you think you don't have what you want. And it's really just you, it's always you versus you. And as soon as you're prepared to put down your sword, then the solution will become clear. Beautiful. All right. That is it for this episode. And I will see y'all next week. Bye guys.